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The Best Insults from The Lord of the Rings

Updated September 3, 2019 21.7k votes 2.9k voters 97.8k views20 items

List RulesVote up the sassiest lines and best burns from the entire The Lord of the Rings franchise.

When Peter Jackson adapted J.R.R. Tolkein's classic novels into The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit franchises, he took the wit and wisdom of the author and created some fantastic dialogue. Among that dialogue are some incredibly clever insults and funny one-liners bantered about by some great characters including Gandalf, Samwise, and others. 

You may not realize just how many times one character insulted another in The Lord of the Rings films, but it happened often. Granted, there are a few from the books that didn't make it to the movies, but there's a few of those included in here anyway, seeing as they are pure gold. Whether you are a fan of the films or the books, you will likely snicker with glee as you read some of these amazing insults from The Lord of the Rings.

See some of your favorite quotes? Vote up the ones you think are best, and vote down any you don't find funny or clever.

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  • 1
    1,845
    170

    I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 2
    1,670
    196

    Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 3
    1,849
    280

    I don't know half of you half as well as I should like... and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

    Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 4
    1,357
    239

    Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest ... thing. Well, that rules you out, Pip.

    Meriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 5
    1,036
    173

    Knock your head against these doors, Perigrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.

    Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 6
    991
    212

    Forty-two?! That's not bad for a pointy-eared Elvish princeling.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 7
    822
    323

    Nobody tosses a dwarf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 8
    873
    353

    Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew...

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 9
    890
    361

    Stupid, fat hobbit.

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 10
    672
    261

    Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the dogs?

    Saruman, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 11
    739
    298

    You look terrible.

    Legolas, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 12
    512
    203

    What office of less honour would you accept? To carry a sack of meal up into the mountains—if any man would trust you with it?

    Éomer, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Book)
  • 13
    620
    265

    Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 14
    514
    234

    Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

    Gollum, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 15
    490
    225

    I will be dead before I see the Ring, in the hands of an Elf!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • 16
    457
    212

    Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!

    Éowyn, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Book)
  • 17
    432
    201

    Hey, Stinker! Don't go getting too far ahead.

    Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • 18
    361
    197

    Let him rot!

    Gimli, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 19
    392
    252

    You fool. No man can kill me. Die now.

    Witch King, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
  • 20
    326
    226

    Get thee gone from my gate, though jail-crow of Mandos!

    Fëanor, The Silmarillion (Book)